There is a tune that makes me think of the summer I spent rubbing baby oil on my stomach in pursuit of a perfect tan. There’s another that reminds me of tagging along with my father on Sunday mornings to pick up the groceries. There’s that song that reminds me of my first heartbreak and the one that brings back my first tennis match.
Music is the language of memory.
I had never thought of digging into this, but turns out it’s very scientific. In brain scans, music lights up the medical prefrontal cortex (Yeah it doesn’t make much sense to me either) but it triggers a memory that starts playing in your mind. all of a sudden you can see a place, a person, an incident. The strongest responses to music-the ones that elicit vivid memories-cause the greatest activity on brain scans.
In other words, human response to music provides evidence that we are more than just flesh and blood-that we also have souls. All reactions to stimuli can be traced back to a rationale. You pull your hand away from fire to avoid physical harm. You get butterflies before an important speech because of the adrenaline pumping through your veins. But there is no evolutionary context within people’s response to music that makes sense-the tapping of a foot, the urge to sing along or get up and dance. Music is proof that there is much more to us than biological and physiological mechanics-that the only way to be moved by the spirit, so to speak, is to have one in the first place.
I sit on this sofa quite tuned out by the beat going through my head, playing over and over again to the sound of my inner self tearing apart. Where am i?
I scroll my itunes seeking for comfort, happy times.. hmm nah! looks like i was shaking my booty to most of those..
I open my blog and hesitate some more.. I open a new note and write
Some more words.. seeking comfort.. i zone out again
You lose money. You lose your mind. You lose hope, you lose faith you lose your sense of direction.
You lose track of friends.
You lose your head. You lose a tennis match. You lose a bet.
You lose love, or so they say..
You lose yourself
Except, i know exactly where it is…
Pick up the pieces
No hiding in the darkness
No anger No pain
the outside may be different
But inside i’m the same
A small splash on my phone’s screen suggests i must be crying.
Yet just like that, i haven’t felt the tears on my cheeks at all.
Tell me why
I’m sorry
I’m sorry for not knowing anything better to say
for having to do this in the first place
For not being able to keep you safe with me
just for a few more weeks..
I’ll Sing you home
