Underwear as Outerwear? Wouha!! It’s the latest catwalk trend to hit celebville, wouldn’t you go out in just your lingerie?
Confessions of a Dressaholic…“Dear Diary, today i saw and totally fell for ten gorgeous frocks…some were “eat-me-icecream” shade, some sophisticated monochrome…all of them would look amazing on me..beautiful paired with a pretty bow..My dilemma isn’t which to buy (too late)..it’s which to wear first (teeheehee).”
Goddammit!! Some things are so fucking hard to nail!!! Perfect toast!! If you ever find a toaster that doesn’t cremate or undercook, please give me a buzz (or BB me) The perrrrrfect temperature in your shower! whoever stole the intermediary degrees between freezing and scalding?? Bed hair!! yeah right!! Kate Moss gets away with it because we ALL know she didn’t sleep through her alarm and do her make up in the car! The correct quota of caffeine!! Either we’re snoozy and lifeless or jittery and paranoid! and this is my favorite..haha..hahaha…Girls, The PERFECT reputation at WORK!!! we can either be crazy or boring, lazy or stuckup, slutty or gay, but we’ll never conquer middle ground (teeheehee this sooo justifies our office girls! wink wink) hmm… okok don’t get confused…i have some little indicators that reassure you that you’re perfectly fine and OK and actually NORMAL as ever.. You claim winning doesn’t matter but boy oh boy do you WANT to win… Everyday you decide you won’t do anything productive for the rest of the working day (week!)…You are judgemental about people who have plastic surgery (ME ME!!) yet you have your teeth PROFESSIONALLY whitened…You weigh more than your Boyfriend!!(eeeh he doesn’t have boobs or hips huh??!!)..
Take a bite out of life…
Since when do titles define topics? Since when do words make up sentences? Don’t you just loooove referring to food when bein all descriptive? taste…color…texture…smell… FOOD, the one thing we all relate to…remember those old sayings? As warm as toast, as cold as Ice (ooh they make me feel so fucking nice) We (them teachers) teach kids colors referring to food , yellow for banana, green for apple, red for strawberry..(eeeh don’t remember anything in blue..).I am a food lover…Food is passion..(makes you fat you goddamn brat!).”What’s your favorite food?” … “Emm lasagna? nono wait burgers..grilled chickie…FRIIIIES…Icecream? don’t have one…love em all!”
Now where was I? Oh right! SHOPPING STYLES! Girls, how NORMAL is your shopping? From a shopping expert’s (Ahem shopaholic?) Credit-card abuse and changing room trauma!!! Let me give you a few happy weird appeasing tips that are veeeery veeery normal (yes even for you boys) .. 1) Your hormones affect your wallet (Hell yeah they do!) Psychological studies have proven that women go on a world shattering shopping spree in the week leadin up to their period HAHAHAHA. (Oh boys don’t laugh!!! let’s not mention your hormonal imbalance and chromosome deficiency!) 2) Abhorring shoddy, rude customer service totally spoils your shopping trip (Really? coz we’re still shoppin in this country!!) Vice-versa!! Sexy salesmen totally fuck your credit card!!! 3) “Optimistic Sizing” a biiig chunk of us (yeah yeah not you Sherine!!)buy small (x-small) with huge hopes and dreams of shifting those extra pounds. 4) Cheating on him with your credit card don’t you all prefer shopping than spending time with him?? hehehe (evil snicker) 5) Using Shopping as your one and only ANTI-DEPRESSANT (Pinkie’s case…IT WORKS..okokokkk i’m gona stop…when the card’s maxxed!!!) “YOU CAN REALLY BUY HAPPINESS” teeheehee 6) Havin an “Oh Crap!!” moment in the changing room (too small…too fat…oops i ripped it!..thighs..boobs..sniff!!)
Some guys?…nah… GUYS…(can’t bring myself to the MEN word) are simply MENTAL!! i’d looove (what’s with that Love word today? aha maybe Princess Katie’s work is sinking in…loooove what is…looove…love…okok back to topic) sharing some Guyinsh convos (names censored don’t worry honey) wid you (hahahaha)..“I swear I’m going to have a nervous breakdown when i reach 30!” “I had mine when i was 26 and started goin bald! been on Prozac since” “I am not rich enough to be fat AND short” “I stayed with her an extra 6months because her tits were so amazing!” “Girls don’t really enjoy sex they use it to control us” ” Your problem is you keep rollin the dice till you get a girl who’s a 7, so you roll again to get an 8…but you get a 4…which sux…i got a 6 and i’m sticking to that” “How was the date?…eh i ended up seein the ex…so ur in an open relationship?…yea i guess?…what do u mean u GUESS…Well i haven’t told HER yet..” ROLPH I just looove my boys
When you’re young and full of booze you’ll do anything…Bite me!! They say you fall in love once…what the hell do they know? From runway to realway…My frizz is drivin me mad…Red lipstick can be dressy …or Casual…Smoky eyes can be Vampy..or Soft..Sculpting can be Ultra-glam or Super-fresh…
It’s red, it’s white, it’s green and bright, iiiiiiit’s CHRISTMAS TIME…trees and lights…gifts and shops…carols and wishes…hmm well we don’t see much of that here, eh? (yeah right!!blame it on the Swine!!Ban choirs..wtf?!!) Now where do i start? Oh…yeah…Christmas in Egypt..Christmas traditions..So, you know how on christmas eve or christmas morning people go to masse right? Well THE MASSE of THE YEAR is always at the BASILIQUE “yeah that famous church with the sexy chicks (me me me) and the pretty boys”.. that To-die-for-never-to-miss “Messe de minuit” a-la-basilique style tradition thingie? Of course if you’re clueless (which you simply can’t be!!) you probably think “Christmas Masse=prayers+choir+joyful spirit..patati et patata“…hmm allow me to correct you…This iiiiis XMAS FASHION SHOW boys and girls Wouhou!!! Dress up, pucker up, pamper yourself, this is your moment to shiiine like never before!!! Tons of FUN!!! Now run run run! No time to lose!!! People plan that outfit all year long!!! you can’t risk messing up!!! what would they say?? Oh mon Dieu!!!, We all save up for this time of the year….i don’t get my espresso frappuccino…or my juicy burgers at Casper…or even my imported trident! bouhouhou! (ok i’m lying…i gotta admit i have an extravagantly-spoilty-pinkie lifestyle) But you GOTTA get MORE MORE bling bling…more fur…don’t forget to starve yourself for a minimum of 8 months!! (yes even that salad will make that behind look floppier…stick to water it’s healthy!!) Now the show starts and from the moment you step in the spotlight… “Look at those shooooes”..”Are those burberry boots:..”Is she taller?”..” Am I fatter??”… “She’s tooo skinny”… “Eww look at her eyebrows”…”She’s wearing Louboutinssss!!”.. “That skirt is soo in!!”…”I should’ve worn the other coat!!I wana die!!”.. “i need her bag”..”NO!!she put in highlights”…”Can he see me”…”look at her checkin me out…she’s jealous”…”My fur coat beats hers!”… “Yo man…check out that piece of ass!!”..”So where’s that hot babe you spotted a while earlier?”…”I neeeed her number”…”Is she looking?…“Look at Christiane’s daughter!!! my my my…”…”Check out Liliane’s husband…that watch!!mustve been pretty expensive!”…”Did you hear? He got his wife the new Benz!! what was his job again?”.. “Look at him! starring at other women!! tssk tsssk he is hot though…no?!”... Oh dear friends…don’t you just looooove the Christmas spirit??
Tis so fucking amazing when your life is surrounded by pretty puny little things…stuff you love…that kinda symbolize you in some freakin way…I love my cutie pinkie gadgets…i love my barbies and my toys..my fairies…pixies..my clothes…they love you unconditionally…make you feel so good and happy and sexy and beautiful….they make your surroundings so joyful!!(He calls me his pretty pixie!! that’s so darn sweeet!!) it’s not a goddamn joke!!..it’s that high…that love of being where you are between your private possessions..just looking around and feeling as warm as human pee with all the cute crap lying around..i go in my room…i go in my car…i go to all those landmarks of mine that just scream JACKY!! Knowing the secrets of SHOPPING…It’s an art..that’s my ultimate gift..knowing what to get..where to buy it…that’s the beauty of shopping..that’s the glamour…it’s not just the act of purchase!! (Ehhh okokok i admit i have to end up getting something!!or i’d spend a restless sleepless night) but it’s not that!!..its HOW to shop…WHEN…WHY..FOR WHO…you have to feel those butterflies inside…that excitement when you touch, feel, look and smell your new babies..(yes babies!!) You know those days when you leave the office…it’s dark outside..gloomy…don’t wana go home…don’t wana go out either…Sexy new card calling from inside that hot pink leather purse…one look in the mirror..and…theres nuthing better than a treat or 2 or three…call up the little one…and we set off… MJ music blasting out the windows…flying so high…Road runner invading the streets of Cairo (you better evacuate them soon and sell your vehicle)…crazy victory excited dances…SHITTY STARS here we come!! Shopaholic Pinkie & Jr. set off to some wild crazy shop-trip-rip…GUESS WHAT??? SEXY LEATHER JACKET wouhouuuu…. dentelle dress…another dress…and another and another… a cute cat 2 hang in my car…red rose earrings…OMG theyre just out of this world!!! Just wait till you see…I’d love to shop for you too…and you and you…
Goodnight!!! can’t wait to wear my pretty babies!
Happy-Shiny Mornings…Pinkie-Winkie Days… You feel it! UP and About… dancing…hopping…skipping..the world is yours..Your hair is mind-blowing (Honey r u sure?) You feel lighter than ever!!! (Ahem your jeans didn’t fit)..What a Pink day!!! I love it!! Colors colors…Life is a mix of colors…colors are happy..colors are light…they make your day so fucking bright!! (Wow i even rhyme too!! see?see?) Hmm mmm read carefully!! I have the new secret of life (Round of Applause)..a new “Self-help-tip”…BOYS AND GIRLS IIIIITTSSS…..NAIL POLISH!! (Deafening silence!!) Errrr yea that’s what i meant, those little bottles of paint for nails?… “Woohaa love la couleur!” ..”What brand What brand!!??” .. “Oh that old thing? it’s the latest Bourgeois” (Pffft just got that yesterday). What could be sexier than a hot-bright manicure!!!?…you feel taller…skinnier..happier..All of a sudden you wana wave to everyone (make sure they see that color girl!!), salute your friends, your fiends,..(check out my nails biatch!)…And of course there’s the morning coffee session where you make sure they ALL take a good look at it!!.. By the end of that day, the entire office smells like rotten Acetone with girls walking around like proud peacocks..purring at each glance you steal at those nails…You must admit! nails do the trick!!! you wana watch those fingers typing, writing, holding a mug…or..teeheehee..never mind! Fuschia-hype? Jungle-red? NO I know!!Burgundyyy!! Nah everyone wears that!! What about pink? Fuschia is a shade of Pink!! Its not! IS TOO!!NOT!!Hmm Hmm..(How long does it take to buy nail polish anyway?).. That is an excruciatingly agonizing task!!(Don’t you love big words?make you feel like a best-selling-super-duper Writer)..Hours and hours of careful research, long laps around the mall (see? more effective than tracks and gyms…you enjoy the workout!! Run sprint Zara!!!..Now Tommy..Missed ICE!! H&M?? catch that!!dress up!!Take off!!The sweater?Try on!! Oh i’m in luuuuurve!! The jeans? Eeeek!!Throw off!!Take it off take it off and Dance Dance Daaaance!!!) … One coffee frappuccino to go and Pinkie settles finally on Hype Fuschia-Jungle Red-Deep purple and the regular HOT PINK (you always need a spare just in case)..difficult life or death decisions!! And now my beloved reader, you could already see and smell our bureau tomorrow (niahahaha evil giggle)
Nighty night… Pink Love
Youhou! Anyone there? Hellooo? Can someone hear me?… hmm where is everyone? (Silence) Oh i know!!! Goodmorning Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the SuperNationalMultiFashionable World!! (Thump thump thumpety thump)… “Hello there Jacky how are you?”..”Em fine?you?” (Crappy!ugh i duno y the fuck i came in this morning)..”Alive..Where IS everyone?”…”Eh its Sunday..Grasse Matinee” (But then again every day they do La Grasse Matinee and you can’t blame them since they spend a lovely Free Soiree here as well)…Click clack clickety clack..”Mooorning Joouuuukaaaa i have a looot of suuurpriises for you!!” (Wait till i drown you with my shitty tasks)..”Oh hey.” (B****!!! Vierge Marie, prends pitie de moi)..Shick shack shock shick shack shock..Finally!! “JACKYYY-OOOO…how ar..”..”SSHHHSSHHH I need to hide NOW PLZ!!”…”But IT‘s not here yet”…”NO! it’s not the IT it’s the SHE!”…”OH that’s baadd”…(RUN JACKY-O RUN!)..”We need food!”…”But i’m fat!”..”Yeah you’re HUGE but we’re gona eat”..”JOOOUUUKKAAAA….Jouka???” RUN RUN RUN…NOW!!!
Ash Blonde!!! Non wait Marron chocolat!! Ebony black!! It brings out your eyes!!! Fai pa gaffe!! Dude where’s our booze? JAAAACCCKKKYYYYY!!! Have you ever wondered just pourquoi we chicks experiment on hair color? Did he notice? Is she looking? He’s starring!! Is it bad? Are you sure it is bad? Can you absolument be sure it is BAD? How do you feel when you think he thinks the thought “It is BAD”? Ehhh where was i? What thought? Back to Bad…no Hair, HOW CAN U NOT SEEE??? it’s HALF a degree LIGHTER!! Conasse!! I haaate you!! Cherie you look ..pretty? in all colors?…LIAR!! (sweeeeeet.. wait ask Twinkie..see?he’s purring!) HEY you can’t feel like the Fairy-Queen of Twinkieland so don’t play with the Hair.I want to go BLONDE…not that i’m not! Nor that you care, but blondier…like OUCH it hurts.Like LEGALLY blonde.HOT PINK.
“Hey Big Boy, it’s me, no..had daily Shop-dose..miss you more..what we doin?..ha? wait”…”"Missus you can’t drive while..”..”I’m lost (Sniff sniff!), papa is givin me d..”(batting mesmerizing eyes) “TEN POUNDS??YA ALLAH!! she must be crazy!!”..”Ehh 20?30?”..”NO! park aside”…(Now I’m screwed..too bad credit cards don save our puny butt here) “LISTEN CLEARLY YOUNG LADY..”..i want muuummmyy :’( “5 EGYPTIAN POUNDS is more than enough!! take the change”.huh..”What was that all about?”..”Mobile fine”…”WTF? Where are your HF?”…”On my lap..don’t worry he gave me the change”…”YOU EMPTIED YOUR PURSE?” ..”Oh ten pounds..where were we?”.
GOD I MISS WORK…GOD I PRAY YOU GIVE ME MORE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS..assignments…that adrenaline rush..essays..papers..projects…research..deadlines..n’importe quoi votre majesty!!! Oh Samedi soir..you bring me down..i can visualize le lendemain, petit me dragging down those paws to go run, fetch, catch, bark.. Bad Jacky! Bad!! C’est la vie.. you start off thinking you did it all right, the lovable bad child, the naughty top-class student, the independent spoilt little being…bumpy road is coming to an end… little did you know what you were getting your little feet into..where did that finish line go?. don’t get me wrong..i always learnt a great deal! whether by selling a beautiful pair of shoes or freelancing a business article (yeah me bitches!!) What saved my life was buying those Magical Pink glasses, that i put on all the way, which is why Pinkie is still here!! wouhou!! (Much to your dismay ha!) Maybe what i learnt wasn’t in the big world of knowledge…nor was it ever rocket science…but i believe i’m extraordinary…He told me i was…he promised me i’d always be…I look at me now..I’m fine..this was just one of life’s ugly lessons.. but i grew..and now time flew…I am who I am today and not the one from yesterday…The Pink Flame of Love is starting to die…that’s the exit sign of hope.. The excitement of what’s yet to come.. when you just go from having nothing to lose to finding you had it all all along!!! and there’s still more from where that all came from..EXTRAORDINARY…”I believe I am Extraordinary” and so are you..
Bonne Soiree.. Smooch
Fuck banks!!! i hate them… they’re like Hoovers… no wait Ugly Vampires!!! (Sorry Twilight losers) “Vampoovers” that feed on your well earned money!! (Not really when you’re “Coffee girl”, what was my job again? Sorry “Paper girl” i.e: i can type read talk walk) hmm back to Vampoovers, i kinda must admit.. how do we say that? i shop a teenie weenie bit too much? Nah… i am a clever shopper…i only buy what i NEED!? (didn’t need the dress tho..but it complements the boots!! yes the Orgasmic-mindblowing-boots)..Ok let me put it this way: “I am THE Shopper people!”… I do Magic! I make your dreams come true! (I actually buy them) Grrr stuck waiting for stupid agent to get me my sexy new credit card Wouhou!!! why don’t i hear the cheers? hmmm yeah i know what your thinking! “Oh shit, there she goes again” … YAAAAAAAY credit card arrived!!! He is 20 mins late!!! every second counts!! Au revoir … (Pinkie heading to Shittystars) hmm i wonder if they still have that fur coat… Was it too expensive? you think? …
This would be Pinkie’s second attempt at blogging…Tried setting up a blog about a year ago, (God knows whatever happened to that one!) as i was blown away back then by the famous “Alan” and his famous blog with “Manuela”. Never worked though, wrote one petit post and that was that. I didn’t quite understand what blogging was, it seemed like you had to be Monsieur le Genie to put your wise words into a blog.
Days rolled, my life tumbled about like a pink “culotte” in a washing machine and here i am typing away, finding the beauty of just putting down some thoughts onto paper. Today, idiots write, brainless puny little beings are called writers, editors and stars!! i figured “well Pinkie, time to put some Pink crap in words and became a fairytale star with a pink tutu skirt”.
She told me to write her assignments, he told me to send him a letter, i have completed around 85 academic papers, got those kids to graduate…what were their names? Boff! never mind… C’est la vie.
Funny though, the idea popped again from everywhere. It was like “WRITE JACKY WRITE” ..I miraculously got to find how people sum up their blog-posts, turn them into books and sell them for sweet amounts of hardcore cash (Pinkie translates into bags, bags, shoes and more toys)… maybe Pinkie could do the same? hmm hmm only what would i write about? The world i see through my pink spectacles? or my beloved friends (shoes, bags…)? the pretty colors, the touch of fur, the excitement of new leather boots…the joy of a new toy…
My outstanding writings begin at this very moment, soon enough my beloved reader you’d be able to buy Pinkie’s book of Pink Shit at a bookstore near you.
Lots of Love,